Who Am I Now?
(And Why is Someone Always Touching Me?)
What’s to Come:
Meet matrescense: the life software update nobody warned you about
The most common identity-whiplash moments
Your body feels like a “before” photo
Time becomes … weird
Work and ambition get rewritten
Relationships change shape
Why feeling lost could be a sign you’re growing
Try this: “Before / After / Becoming” (car-spa edition)
Somewhere between your baby’s first smile and your third reheated cup of coffee, you might catch yourself thinking “Wait… who am I now?” And then, before you can even finish the thought, a tiny hand is on your shirt, your hair, your face, your literal eyeball, because apparently personal space is just a cute rumor.
Meet matrescense: the life software update nobody warned you about
Matrescence is the physical, emotional, and identity transition into motherhood. Think adolescence but with more laundry and fewer uninterrupted showers. It’s not just “having a baby.” It’s your brain, body, priorities, relationships, and sense of self all reconfiguring at the same time.
If you’ve been wondering whether you’re “bad at motherhood” because you feel overwhelmed, tender, irritated, foggy, homesick for your old life, or all of the above before noon, spoiler alert, you’re not. You’re not broken. You’re becoming! And becoming can be loud.
The most common identity-whiplash moments
1) Your body feels like a “before” photo. Your body may look different, feel different, move different. It’s not just aesthetics, it’s ownership. When someone depends on your body for food, comfort, and survival, it can be hard to remember it’s also yours.
2) Time becomes …. weird. Days can feel like an endless loop of diapers, dishes, and tiny negotiations. And yet, the weeks fly. You may miss your old freedom and still love your baby intensely. Both can be true. (In motherhood, both is basically a personality trait.)
3) Work and ambition get rewritten. Maybe you want to return exactly as you were. Maybe you can’t imagine caring about your job the same way. Maybe work feels like relief, or maybe it feels like loss. There’s no “correct” reaction—just data about what matters to you now.
4) Relationships change shape. Your partnership may need new scripts. Friendships might feel distant. Family dynamics can get louder. You may crave support and also want everyone to stop asking questions. It’s common to feel lonely in a room full of
people who love you.
Why feeling lost can be a sign you’re growing
When your identity is shifting, your old labels don’t fit and your new ones aren’t fully stitched yet. That in-between place can feel like confusion, grief, or restlessness. But it’s often evidence that you’re updating your internal operating system—values, boundaries, priorities, and self-trust included.
And yes: the constant touching matters. Being “touched-out” is real sensory overload—especially if you’re the default comfort person. If your skin feels like it’s filing a formal complaint by 5 p.m., that’s not you being cold or ungrateful. That’s your nervous system asking for a break.
Try this: “Before / After / Becoming” (car-spa edition)
Find ten minutes. If your house is a contact sport, do this in the car. Park somewhere safe. Turn on the AC. Consider it a luxury retreat with cupholders.
- Before: Who was I before baby—what did I value, protect, dream about, do for fun, feel confident in?
- After: What feels different now (body, time, work, relationships, emotions)? What feels tender or raw? What feels unexpectedly good?
- Becoming: What parts of me are emerging? What do I need more of (rest, help, friendship, movement, quiet, creativity)? What boundary would make my life 10% easier this week?
You don’t have to have a perfectly articulated identity to be a good mother. You just have to be human in a massive transition. If you feel a little lost right now, let that be a clue—not that you’re failing, but that you’re growing into someone new. One small,
brave “becoming” moment at a time.
Go easy on yourself today. You’re doing a lot – most of it with one hand.
Let’s do this motherhood together!
Start by telling me in the comments:
What moment of self-discovery or you time have you had recently?
XOXO
Alycia